A feedback you should keep to yourself

There are two kinds of feedback, one that you should keep to yourself and the other one you shouldn’t give, but you give it anyway.

A lot of people have talked about how to take criticism, but nobody tells you how to give a good one. I am not going to tell you either. In a way, criticism actually shapes us but that’s not the crux of this article. I just want to share some of my experiences and speculations around the “why” aspects of it.

My experience with critics

I consider myself a curious developer and I try to develop plugins and prototypes tirelessly. For instance, I develop a chrome extension, a Wordpress plugin or an IOT device integration, etc. I often share my work with friends and colleagues. I’ve always had people who could look at my work and provide feedback and suggest new ideas.

I get recharged when people try to give their valuable feedbacks and suggestions on how I can apply the prototype into somewhere else and create a better product. But there is always one or two who can find only the negatives and not appreciate the positives. They can simply discharge all your motivation with a snap of the fingers.

Why?

I don’t want to be one of those who suck out the energy of one’s life. So I asked myself how can I not become like them. The answer is Empathy.

Most critics do not understand the passion you have towards your pet project and the efforts you have taken. They don’t understand your little baby steps to learn something new and build a prototype. They don’t understand your journey at all. All they care about is perfection, immediate success, and their ego.

Lack of empathy is not the only reason why people criticise. There are a few other reasons.

Job title

For some people, their job title says they’re supposed to lead. It requires them to criticise anything and get a better output of anything with fewer resources.

A leader’s job is not just to criticise everything and get better output. but also to appreciate little things and motivate people towards the goal.

Control

People might think, if they agree to anything easily, they lose control over the people. So they intentionally ignore the positives and point out only the negatives just to keep others under control.

Honesty?

Some people try to be 100% honest, but all they do is being oblivious and offensive by hiding under the name of “genuine feedback”. Honesty is just a cover for their offensive behaviour. Honesty is not the best form of communication with emotional beings. One should know when to increase or reduce their honesty level. Use your Emotional Intelligence(EQ).

Revenge

People might criticise because you might have hurt them in the past. They wait for the right moment to hit you hard. So they hit you in which you are passionate about. They use feedback as an opportunity to have vengeance.

How to give good feedback?

Giving a great feedback is an art in itself. It is very difficult to give great feedback, especially in creative work. Giving bad feedback can easily poison the project and demotivate the person who is receiving your feedback.

Some questions to ask yourself before you give feedback:

• Is your honesty level close to being offensive?

• Do you give feedback based on your biased assumptions?

• Do you really have empathy when you give your honest feedback?

• Does your feedback align towards the goal of the project?

• Do you want to run a few sprints or a marathon?

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